If you ask my mom or my dad, they will tell you I came out of the womb bossing people around. Some of my earliest memories include my cousin, best friend and I playing school–and of course I insisted on being the teacher.
In 4th grade, I won our class election for President, and had never been happier. It was a true delight to stay after with my teacher and talk about class events, policies and such. My classmates thought I was a huge nerd, but I did not care in the least. I was a part of ASB or some sort of student government during the entirety of high school and college, and can’t remember a time when I wasn’t leading some sort of team at church.
I guess you could say that leadership is in my blood. I even dreamed of one day being in the United Nations and leading big meetings about global politics. Fast-paced, loud, chaotic–it was like a dream to me.
Over the years, I have learned countless things about myself through being in positions of leadership, but it wasn’t until the past few years that I have shifted my perspective on what being a leader truly means.
Leadership is not about being in charge. It’s not about being the center of attention or talking above everyone else. It’s not about having the best ideas or even being able to articulate everything perfectly.
Leadership is about serving others. It’s about caring enough about a person to develop them and challenge them and push them in love. It’s about seeing another person’s gifts and talents and encouraging them to grow in them above anything else.
Somewhere in my upbringing I got trapped in the mindset that being a leader meant I had to be domineering. Loud. Forceful. Pushy. I had the reputation for being the “girl who could get things done” but I learned that people were growing tired of my overbearing personality. Sure, I enjoyed the compliments I was always getting and the recognition that came with each of my prestigious positions, but was that worth being someone that people truly didn’t like? My junior year of college provided me with a big realization that if I wanted to continue being a leader, something had to change. At this point, I was OK with that, I was willing to do anything to be better liked and well-received.
I just had no idea how hard this process would be…
The more and more that I grew in my relationship with Christ, the more and more unsettled I became about the way that I was leading things. I couldn’t help but think that Christ would have led others differently–in love not force. After some investigation, I confirmed my own hypothesis. If Christ was anything as a leader, it was humble. But his abundance of humility did not result in the diminishing of his confidence.
That’s one of the most valuable things I’ve learned over the years: confidence is not the opposite of humility. C.S. Lewis has this great quote that I have written on various papers around my room:
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking about yourself less.”
It’s easy for leaders to swing to one side of the pendulum and become expectant of praise, thriving on every compliment and recognition. But it’s another dangerous temptation to become a person with low self-esteem and little confidence. As leaders, we have to recognize that God has blessed us with talents and wants us to be secure in those blessings.
So I’ve come to learn that being humble does not mean that you can’t take on responsibility above others or praise that comes with success–rather it means that your heart has to be focused on serving above anything else. At the end of the day, I care more about the people that I have served and their accomplishments above my own. But it certainly has not always been that way, and I am thankful for this evidence of growth.
Leadership (especially in the context of the church!) is something that is so tricky, but so necessary. God has equipped his people to step up and live to their full potential further his kingdom. I’ve learned that being a leader is a beautiful part that I get to play–and the more I can understand that it’s not about me in any way–the better leader I will be.
Leadership: Teaching how to fish
We have found ourselves in various ministry leadership roles at RockHarbor over the last several years. However, it was always apart from each other. We had done some outreach together as a family, but it was either a GO build trip here, a medical missions trip there, a Nurture event, etc. As you can imagine, this took a toll on our family. It was around that time that the missional community groups began, and we learned about the intentionality of serving in our neighborhoods, locally, in the community. We heard a message about believers reflecting God’s light collectively as opposed to being single smaller reflections here and there. The question raised was, “which light has the bigger impact?” From that point on, we started praying about finding opportunities for our whole family to be used together.
One day during that season, Chad approached us and asked if we would consider leading a ministry together. God had already placed a fire in our hearts as we learned more and more about local schools in need. When Chad laid out some of the ideas for local partnerships for RHMV, our eyes and hearts lit up when he talked about leading a team to serve at a public school in Mission Viejo. He asked us to watch “Waiting for Superman” and told us to pray about stepping into this role. ”Waiting for Superman” hit us pretty hard. It opened our eyes to the fact that children just down the freeway don’t have the same chance of a growing future the way our son and the kids in our community do. We were compelled to take on the Elementary Schools Initiative in Mission Viejo. From day one, it’s been a constant journey of obedience and trust. We have learned to put our agendas aside, and simply be used.
After some research on local schools, we were amazed at the deep need in a large number of struggling schools with falling scores and crumbling morale. We interviewed principals at a short list of elementary schools in Mission Viejo and saw God opening hearts and doors to revealing His will for us. We prayed and were surprisingly (although with God we should never be!) led to the least likely school. One principal in another school was a passionate and open believer, and we definitely felt a connection and where we would feel comfortable. But it turned out that the principal who had the most hesitancy and skepticism to receive us was the one who He kept leading us back to. We had no idea how this was going to turn out, but we stepped out in faith and obedience.
The principal at the school asked us what we would like to do there. Our focus was initially on programs…we had some ideas about what we could do. It turns out that they already had plenty of great programs. So when we finally stopped talking and instead started listening, we learned that what they needed most were volunteers in the classrooms. Our eyes were quickly opened to the fact that not only would our presence impact the needs of the students, but our involvement would also encourage and lift the staff in ways beyond our expectation. Our team has learned over the last 9 months that the biggest impact has been to love them with no other agenda. And because of that we have seen the “Kingdom of Heaven at hand” and glimpses of God’s great light on the staff, students, and families of this school.
This has been a beautiful journey of faith and obedience in small things. Small 5 dollar Starbucks gift cards to teachers that brought tears to their eyes. Painting school benches teaching us to serve joyfully and without recognition. 15 individual volunteers initially serving just one day during one week a month in classrooms reflecting God’s light collectively over the school. Prayers that breed trust, hope, and love. Relationships amongst staff and teachers that grow one by one into deeper friendships. Sharing of stories amongst the team giving glimpses of the Kingdom here and now. The serve team and Linda Vista team work together to paint and redo the teachers lounge that now becomes a renewed place for teachers to escape and grow in morale. A Keurig coffee pot in that lounge that to them represents the greatest thing since sliced bread. Christmas gift bags that spark the principal to tell us we are “teaching them how to fish”. Teachers, Staff, and the principle asking for prayer…amazing. And on and on and on.
It is such a privilege to serve as part of this team. Leading it? Not really. God is doing that. He is doing all the hard work. We did not know it could or would be this good. But it is because He is good and faithful and loving.